I'll probably never publish this post. This is probably just a chance to vent a little and then hit "delete."
A lot of my conversations these days end up wearing me out.
It usually starts with someone asking a "why" question about Wenxin's adjustment. I try to briefly explain things about older child adoption that it's taken me over a year to learn. A year of reading tons of books and blogs. A year of talking with other adoptive parents. Plus two months of actually getting to know my new son and reading more and asking more questions of folks who've "been there done that."
I offer my best "short answer." Then. . .
Raised eyebrows. An objection. A concerned look.
The most tiresome are the conversations where I feel the need to defend something that goes against what a person would normally think. Like . . .
- the fact that Wenxin would not like to meet the Chinese person they know and talk to them in Chinese. (I got this one wrong initially. I thought he'd like to talk to Chinese people in Chinese. Not sure what it triggers in his little mind, but right now he doesn't seem to want to go there.)
- the fact that even though he's 7 1/2, he's still terrified of doctors and dentists. And strangers, even when they are family friends.
- the fact that we don't feel it's best to force him to switch to an American name unless he wants to switch.
- the fact that while Wenxin faces many challenges, learning English is not one of them. Language learning is coming naturally.
- the fact that we aren't going to "spank" for the behavior they just observed because we are starting from square one teaching Wenxin how to live in a family. We're also not going to send him to his room.
It's probably tiring too because it brings up all kinds of insecurity in me. Because while I've read a lot of books and talked to a lot of people, Wenxin is a unique individual with a unique history. There are no "cookie-cutter" answers. So when someone questions my judgement, I wonder, "Am I doing this wrong?"
And that's exhausting.
The Chains Fall Off
5 hours ago