This spring I wrote a post called My Daughter's Death / His Other Moms. It's all about grief and loss -- my loss of my second child and Wenxin's loss of his first two moms. Every adoption begins with a loss.
Today I want to invite you to visit this loss from another perspective -- the perspective of a birth mom / first mom. I've gained so much by spending some time at (Birth Mother,) First Mother Forum. This blog is co-authored by Lorraine Dusky and Jane Edwards, both moms who relinquished children for adoption back in the sixties.
With their permission, here is an excerpt from their article, What We Think About Adoption, where they answer the question, "Are you against all adoptions?"
Are we against all adoptions? No.
Some are absolutely necessary, and good. There will always be children who, for one sad reason or another, need to find a home and parents, and in many cases, they will not be family members.
We are against unnecessary adoptions whether domestic or international.
In many cases, adoptions occur because mothers are not told about resources that would allow them to keep their children, nor are they cautioned about the lifelong impact adoption will have not only on themselves, but also on the children.
Women are sometimes coerced into surrender by the adoption industry, prospective adoptive parents, or family members; they are pressured to sign consents within days of birth--in Alabama, Hawaii, and Washington they may sign consents prior to giving birth--well before they can recover from the effects of childbirth, and appreciate their loss; mothers are also sometimes falsely promised that they will be able to maintain contact with their children, and thus agree to an "open" adoption when they would not agree to a closed one.
We are against adoptions where fathers who are eager and able to care for their child are denied this right.
I've emailed back and forth with Lorraine for the past couple of days and she is a lovely lady. I appreciate her taking the time to interact with me on this post.
So much to think about. We owe it to our adopted kids to think through these issues and to listen to perspectives that differ from our own.
You can read the rest of Lorraine and Jane's thoughts on adoption at (Birth Mother,) First Mother Forum.