Motivating Reluctant Readers

For me, the biggest challenge in teaching my older adopted kid to read hasn't been about instruction; it's been about motivation.

Wenxin is a reluctant reader. Learning to read, for him, has been hard work. Arriving in America at age 7 1/2, not speaking a word of English and not knowing a letter A from a letter Z, he felt behind from the start. It didn't take long for him to realize that kids a lot younger than him could read much better than him.

That's kind of a slap in the face.

Even as his reading skills improved, reading just wasn't fun for him. So around Christmas, I set out to see that change. And along the way, my journey to motivate my reluctant reader took me some unexpected places.

Like. . .

To Barnes and Noble in search of the perfect joke book for kids.  

It all started the Saturday before Christmas. We'd just picked up our new van and were grabbing a bite to eat at a local sports bar. We like to go there because we can put the kids in one booth while Mike and I sit alone in another booth and pretend like we don't have four kids.

Seriously, we really do.

On that day, Wenxin kept leaning over the back of our booth trying to tell the jokes that were printed on his children's menu -- the jokes he was attempting to read on his own.

"Buy him a joke book," Mike said, and from the look on his face I could tell he wasn't joking.

Best money we ever spent.

Telling a joke is fun, and we've always known that fun is high on Wenxin's list. Also, jokes are short. You don't have to read pages and pages to get enjoyment from a joke book. Since Christmas, Wenxin has read that book from cover to cover. More than once.

And he's become quite entertaining.

Wenxin: "What do you call a cheese that is not your own?"
Me: "I don't know."
Wenxin: " Nacho cheese."

Can I just say how much I love that kid? He has great comedic timing, and he's learning the jokes by READING!

However, my journey to help Wenxin learn to love to read didn't end at Barnes and Noble. Learning to motivate my reluctant reader took me places I never planned to go. Learning to motivate my reluctant reader even forced me to. . .

Confront my inner book snob.

I'm a fan of quality children's literature. I'm a sucker for any book with one of those little gold or silver seals on the cover that declare it to be an award winner. I might as well admit it. I'm a book snob.

Before Christmas, I contacted a friend of mine on Facebook. She happens to be a librarian at a private international school in Brazil, so I asked her for book suggestions for Wenxin. Believe it or not, she had the audacity to suggest a graphic novel.

Graphic novel? What??? I think that's code for comic book.

But, remembering that fun is high on my little man's list, off to Amazon I went, and on Christmas morning, Wenxin opened a copy of Big Nate from Santa. A few days later, his Aunt Sherri sent him a copy of Diary of a Wimpy Kid for his birthday.

We were celebrating Wenxin's birthday at my parents' house in Alabama, and that night, something amazing happened. Wenxin, Nathan and their cousin J. were camping out in the living room. I'm not sure how it happened, but it was decided that J. would read Diary of a Wimpy Kid aloud to Wenxin  -- in the dark -- by flashlight.

Talk about motivating my reluctant reader! An older boy, his cousin whom he adores, modeling a love for reading -- by flashlight. J. put the stamp of coolness on reading in a way I never could.

We were making progress, but I still had one more thing to learn.

Through the process of teaching Wenxin to read -- and love it -- I've discovered that. . .

Sometimes it's OK to push a little. 

For a few months now, I've been requiring Wenxin to set a timer and read silently for 30 minutes a day. Especially in the beginning, this was met with a lot of resistance. The joke book helped. 30 minutes of jokes isn't really so bad.

Finally, last week I decided it was time for Wenxin to read a real chapter book. I pulled out the first book in the Magic Tree House series and announced that he'd be reading it on his own during his silent reading time.

This declaration was met with tears. Big. Drippy. Silent. Tears.

It was too hard. He couldn't do it. He was scared.

But deep down inside I knew he could do it. He had the skills. He just didn't have the confidence.

Wenxin needed me to believe in him and push.

Pushing is not my natural parenting style.

But, ignoring my natural inclination to let him go at his own pace, I set the timer and handed him the book. He was allowed to ask me or one of his siblings if he got stuck on a word, which he did a lot the first day or two. He also periodically cried.

Today, however, he's almost finished with the book, and he's not asking very many words anymore. What he IS doing is telling me what's happening in the story. His story. The chapter book he's reading ALL BY HIMSELF.

Wenxin is learning that reading is fun. And I'm learning a few things as well. I"m learning that reading a joke book counts, and that reading a graphic novel counts, and that pushing a little isn't always a bad thing.

And I keep reminding myself that he's only been here two and a half years. He's learned all this in two and a half years. That's pretty good. That might just make him a genius!

For more about how I approached reading instruction with Wenxin, see Teaching Reading to Newly Adopted Kids.

*If you enjoyed this post, use the buttons below to share it on Facebook or Twitter. Shared at Growing Slower's Tuesday Baby Link-up.

I Know Who I Am

Picture this. Two young parents about to embark on the journey of a lifetime. A journey called adoption. 

Already blessed with a beautiful baby -- a biological son -- they desperately want to grow their family even more. 

So with a heart full of hope, the young mom begins the mountain of paperwork and bright red tape required to bring home Baby #2. Countless months and long distance calls later, they are finally on their way to the airport. Both nervous and excited, they carry with them admonitions -- from nannies and papas and a big brother and cousins -- to hurry home with the newest family member. Their future looks bright with their little son and new Salvadorian baby.

Then, they hear this on the car radio: "El Salvador has entered a state of siege. U.S. citizens should exit the country." When they get to the airport, there is a message waiting for them sharing the same grim news. But they get on the plane anyway.

I can’t imagine how my mom and dad must have felt. And in truth I never really contemplated it. I just took for granted that they came to get eczema-covered, sickly, nine pound me --  four months old, waiting in the orphanage.

But embarking on my own adoption journey to adopt two deaf children from China made me consider many things. One of those is the bravery of my parents. 

I know my mom thinks we're courageous to adopt deaf children, and maybe we are. But if I’ve done anything brave in my life, it is only because that was the first lesson my parents ever taught me.

I recently read a blog post with the title, Adoption Begins with Loss. It was a thoughtful post, but I remember being puzzled by that title. Because for me, it's always been, adoption ends with gain.

Here's a song my Dad wrote for me when I was little. He used to sing it all the time:

Traci Laine
She never lived in Spain
She never lived in Maine
But she lived in El Salvador
But that was before
Her Mama and Daddy came down from Georgia
Where she'll live forevermore.

My life has been pretty angst free. I'm not trying to make light of the struggles other adoptees have with their pasts, but I want adoptive parents to know that adoption doesn't always lead to grappling with who you are. 

I know who I am. I'm Traci Laine, who never lived in Spain, and never lived in Maine. I lived in El Salvador. But that was before.

Sweethearts since high school,Traci and her husband have one biological son and recently brought home their two deaf children from China. Traci was given the gift of family as an infant when her parents adopted her from war-torn El Salvador. Passionate about uniting deaf orphans with loving families,Traci blogs at LikePenAnd. . .

This is the third post in my series by adult adoptees called On Being Adopted. Listening to adult adoptees helps us as parents look at adoption through a different lens, seeing it from the perspective of the person who was adopted. If you missed them, you may want to read the first two posts: There Can Never Be Too Much Love, and Marriage and The Past Through an Adoptee's Eyes.

Instagram and Unleashing My Inner Artist

I'm in love with my new iphone and the Instagram app. Just look at that photo of Katherine and her team warming up for a day of soccer yesterday. Check out the amazing shadows.

This is my first smartphone -- an upgrade from the little red flip phone I used for years.

I never dreamed I'd be able to take these kinds of photos with a phone.

Yesterday, Katherine played in a day long tournament and I took all these photos -- with my phone. This one of me with Wenxin might be my favorite.  I love how the reflection in the glasses shows us holding the phone and snapping the photo. And I love how cool Wenxin looks.

Out at the fields, I noticed the sun shining through this huge tree. An Instagram filter made it even more interesting.

And on the way home, Nathan noticed that Wenxin had fallen asleep on Julia in the car, so I passed my phone back, and Nathan took a perfect photo.

So in celebration of my newfound artistic passion, I've added an Instagram slideshow to my sidebar.

Check back tomorrow as we hear from another international adoptee in the series, On Being Adopted. I love how each blogger in this series adds a new dimension to the discussion, and can't wait to share tomorrow's post with you.

Marriage And The Past Through An Adoptee’s Eyes

This adopted little girl, born in Korea, grew up in a small, all white community where she stuck out like a red wine stain on a beautiful wedding gown. With the early divorce of her adoptive parents, this striving to belong, this striving to be who she thought others would accept, this striving to be perfect, this struggle for identity, she would pack them one by one as her "baggage" into adulthood.

One day this little girl would have her fairy tale dream and find her prince charming, have 2 children by birth, and eventually, adopt 3 children from Ethiopia.

Unfortunately, this baggage from her childhood would continue to weigh her down in her marriage and in her relationships with others.

As she began to slowly unpack the baggage of her past and one by one look at the items inside, she would come to a realization of why she struggled so deeply to be completely confident in the spoken words... "I love you."

Did you REALLY mean those words?

Will I do something that will make you leave me like my birth parents? Like my adoptive father?

What if I don't live up to being the perfect wife?

What if I don't know how to be the perfect mom?

What if I don't live up to who you thought I was? What if she's not who I really am?

As she and her husband would encounter conflict, her baggage would add meaning to the spoken and unspoken words.

"He's mad at me, so he must not love me and will abandon me like the men before him."

"He needs time to process the issue, so he must really be disappointed in me. I must not be the wife he wants."

"We don't see eye to eye on the kids discipline, so my ways are not valuable, and I won’t ever be the perfect mom."

"I need things orderly and predictable, and he's OK with messy and spontaneous, so I can't be nor live up to who he thought I was."

This would keep her safety wall from being torn down. She convinced herself that if he ever left her she'd still be protected because she convinced herself that she couldn't trust THOSE words. She couldn't trust her feelings. She could only trust that she was unlovable, and people eventually leave those who are not lovable. At least that's what life had shown her.

Due to her husband's love, patience, compassion and persistence, she began to see glimpses of the other side as cracks slowly formed in the wall she had built. She began to see a life she was missing. A joy she was missing. A freedom she was missing.

As she got more and more glimpses of this joy, this freedom, this other life, she wanted it deeper and deeper inside of her, but she was afraid. She knew she had to make a choice... Would she live her life getting glimpses through the cracks, or would she break down the wall, piece by piece, and actively live the life she saw on the other side? The life she truly did long to have.

This adopted little girl, born in Korea, is actively living her life one day at a time as a wife, mom to children through birth and adoption, and a leader of an orphan care ministry providing support to adoptive and foster care families. She continues to break down the wall she built with the partnership of her husband and a trusted support system. She is experiencing more joy and freedom as she allows herself to trust others and finally believes THOSE words... I love you!

What I would like adoptive parents to know is that the love, patience, compassion and persistence you give your adopted child within your home will design the template that he/she will take into their future relationships with spouses, friends, colleagues, etc. Despite the brokenness of an adopted child's past, you as an adoptive parent can be the key to helping them live within the life they truly want, rather than watching it through the cracks. Our actions and words are often driven by the fear of believing we are not lovable and you too will leave us like the others. We need you to be the partner who hands us the tools to break down the wall piece by piece.

Tara Bradford will celebrate 20 years of marriage with her amazing husband this June. She has 5 children ages 9 - 18. She is grateful for the healing God has brought this adopted little girl from Korea, and she shares her perspective as an adoptee, adoptive mom, and orphan advocate at Smore Stories... life and contemplation in a racially mixed family.

Thanks to Tara's readers for visiting Death by Great Wall today. I'm glad you're here, and I hope you find encouragement for your journey. Take a look around, and  leave a comment somewhere to introduce yourself.

Blogaholics Anonymous

I'm a blog addict, an information junkie. I read decorating blogs, home organization blogs, adoption blogs, political blogs -- anything that makes me learn or think or laugh or grow.

You may have noticed that I tend to like edgy posts -- things that force my thinking out of my comfort zone. If you've noticed that, you are correct.

I think it's especially important for us as parents to continue to learn and grow and have our thinking challenged. I'm convinced that listening to others, often  people I don't totally see eye to eye with, has made me a better person and a better parent.

So here are seven selections from this week. You don't want to miss a single one.

The Changing Face of China's Orphans - Why has the adoption of healthy Chinese baby girls slowed down? Part 1 of a series by Amy Eldridge of Love Without Boundaries.

Changing Attitudes - What a difference 10 years makes. Why Chinese now are more open to daughters. Part 2 of a series.

The Adoption of Boys - Today 50% of children entering China's orphanages are boys. Part 3 of a series.

Domestic Adoption on the Rise - Adoption is catching on in China today - meaning many Chinese orphans can now find a forever family in their own country. Part 4 of a series.

Dear Christian Who is Praying for an Infant to Adopt - A Christian leader who is an adult adoptee asks Christians to think about what they are really saying when they pray for an infant to adopt. You don't have to agree, but I dare you to read it, and think about it.

How I try to make a small difference - A mom considering an adoption plan for her baby chooses instead, to parent. I love how her friend (who happens to also be a birthmom) is providing the support that helps keep mom and baby together.

The open adoption spectrum? Or something better. - Openess in adoption is defined by more than just contact with the birth family. This new model presents adoption as more nuanced than simply open or closed.

Calling Guest Bloggers

Did you see the first post in my series, On Being Adopted? Susan did a great job sharing her story as she reminded us that there can never be too much love. Susan's beautifully written prose brought tears to my eyes.

I still have a few spots open for February. I’m looking for guest posts which:

· Tell a personal story that illustrates some aspect of your experience as an adoptee. I know that your adoption experience is many-faceted and complex, but please choose one aspect to focus on in your post.

· Are 500 – 900 words in length

· End with the statement: One thing I’d like adoptive parents to know is . . .

· Pieces previously published on your personal blog may be submitted as long as they are tweaked to fit the above guidelines.

As far as topics go, the list of possibilities are endless, but here are some questions that I, as an adoptive parent, would love to see addressed:

· How did being adopted affect you at different stages of development? Especially, how did your experience of being adopted change as you entered your teen years?

· What challenges has being adopted present for you in your adult years?

· If you are in reunion, could you tell a story that illustrates some aspect of that experience?

· If you were adopted internationally, have you visited your birth country? Could your share a story that illustrates some aspect of that experience?

I believe there will be great interest in this series. I hope I will receive a variety of submissions that taken together will help paint a picture of the adoptee experience, promoting understanding and perhaps, dispelling some myths.

Please send submissions to Dana@deathbygreatwall.com. You may simply type your submission in the body of the email or attach it as a Word document.

Please edit for grammar, punctuation, and spelling. I will not be able to use submissions that require extensive editing. I do reserve the right to make minor grammar/punctuation/spelling edits. I will not, however, edit your content in any way.

Submitting a post, does not guarantee that it will be published at Death by Great Wall. I will, however, respond to all submissions within two weeks.

There Can Never Be Too Much Love

Today I welcome Susan Perry to Death by Great Wall. Susan is the first blogger in a series of Monday posts by adult adoptees that I'm calling On Being Adopted. I hope you'll read Susan's story. If it speaks to you, please share it on Facebook and Twitter. 

I was a 52-year-old adult at the time, but as an adoptee, my hands were shaking and my heart was pounding as I picked up the phone to return a call from the woman who had given birth to me. Several weeks before, I had sent her a compassionate and carefully-worded letter by certified mail, expressing my openness to exchanging information with her, and accompanied by a brief, easy-to-understand medical questionnaire that my daughter, a physician, had prepared.

My original mother had already returned the questionnaire along with a brief, rather terse note -- "Please do not try to contact me again. I've thought about you often and in my heart I love you, but I have no desire to meet." I already knew from my agency's "non-identifying" information that my original mother had another daughter -- five years old -- when I was relinquished. Her note to me also added, "My daughter does not know about you. Please don't cause problems."

So it came as a shock to me when I returned home from doing errands to hear her voice on the answering machine: "This is Mrs. xxxxx. Please call me back. I would really like to talk with you."

What did she want? Was she calling to yell at me for sending my letter and disturbing her peace? In many ways, as a product of the closed adoption system, I had been conditioned to accept that my own history was none of my business, and my agency had told me that my original mother was "an angry woman, tough to reach." Would she be willing to tell me more about my own beginnings? It didn't seem likely.

Before picking up the phone, I jotted down some questions, knowing that this might well be the only opportunity I would ever have to connect with her.

Our conversation was brief and tentative, but it lifted a great weight from my shoulders. Her tone was soft and conciliatory. We both agreed that "adoption is very hard." I assured her that my adoptive parents had been loving people who had provided me with a warm and stable home. She told me once again that "she loved me in her heart." But she had health problems, she said, and she didn't feel comfortable enough to meet, or to plan any further contact.

I was disappointed in one way, because I would have liked to have had the opportunity to get to know her better. Yet the conversation was so helpful and liberating for me, all the same. My original mother, the woman who nobody ever mentioned or talked about, was not a ghost -- she was real, a human being just trying to forge her way through life the best she can. She wasn't a monster; she wasn't a saint, just another human being on the journey of life. What in the world was the point in keeping her identity a secret from me for all these years? As a child, I was left to wonder whether there was something terribly wrong with her, or me, since no one ever mentioned her existence, much less her name.

As a young adult, I thought about her in more tangible terms, of course, especially when I had my own children. But I didn't feel comfortable enough in my own skin then to circumvent all the societal barriers and attempt contact. And I was so afraid of hurting the feelings of my now-deceased adoptive parents, whom I loved deeply. Sadly, I never did talk with them openly about how adoption has affected me, and yet in just about every other area, I shared a close and meaningful relationship with them.

I used to think that because I loved my parents so much, I had to love adoption too, or at least keep my conflicted feelings to myself. Now I can say confidently that an adoptee's feelings for her original family in no way diminish her love for her adoptive family.Too many adoptive parents, I feel, are still conditioned to believe that if they love the child enough, the identity of the original parents well never be relevant or important.

What I would like adoptive parents to know is that the adopted person has two families, recognized or not, and battles about which is more important are non-productive and can be corrosive to the adoptee's soul. As a grown adoptee, my message is simple: love is and should be expansive, and there can never be too much.

Susan Perry is a happily married mother of two and grandmother of six.  She is also an adult adoptee who is passionate about adoption reform. You can find her blogging at Family Ties.

Shared at Growing Slower's Tuesday Baby Link-up.

My Favorite Posts Revisited: We Love Bubbles!

Here's a sweet memory from back in 2010, when we'd only been Wenxin's parents a few days.

Bubble bath is working for us! Every night before our guide leaves, Wenxin asks her to find out if Mama has bubbles for his bath tonight. For this kid, bubble bath makes everything better.

It's our last night in Beijing. What a full day. We left the room at 9:30 am and didn't get back until 8:30 pm. We started out by picking up Wenxin's Chinese passport at the police station. Then we spent about 5 hours at a huge science and technology museum. For Orlando folks, think about five times larger than the Orlando Science Center. Then we went to a Chinese acrobatics show. It was kind of cheesy but fun. Dinner was McDonalds. A walk around town and we were back home -- exhausted.

Mike points out to me that a couple of things happen to my speech in Asia. First, he says I get my Asian English voice. It kind of sounds like I'm trying to speak English with an Asian accent, and it kind of annoys him. Second, the longer I'm here, the more broken my English becomes. Here's a real conversation from today.

Dana: "Do you have receipt?"

Mike: " Yes, I have the receipt."

Later,

Mike: "I'm feeling sick."

Dana: "I have the Pepto Bismol."

When Did I Get So Touchy?

When did I get so touchy about my parenting? I notice it from time to time. I'm a little defensive about how I parent ten year old Wenxin, adopted from China just two years ago.

This time, it started with a simple question.

"Did you send him to his room?"

One little question and the mood subtly changed. My mood. Only moments before I'd been casually chatting by phone about my day. Now I was suddenly a little defensive.

Usually when I talk with out of town family by phone, I share all the funny things the kids have said and done throughout the day, and we laugh about how cute they are.

But on that particular day, I chose to share a struggle. I shared how Wenxin got frustrated during homeschool math that day. . . really frustrated. . . and how I ended the lesson early. He was done. I was done. It was clear he was too tired to think, so I decided to cut it short and try again tomorrow when we were both fresh.

Not being allowed to finish something pushes all Wenxin's buttons. He quietly whined and cried and begged and demanded that I help him finish his math . . . for over an hour.

"No, I didn't send him to his room."

"Why not?"

"Well, we don't do that. . . uhh . . .because of abandonment issues. . . you know, our social worker and everyone we've read says adoptive kids need time in, not time out. He needs to stay near us -- especially if he's emotionally upset."

It didn't sound very convincing, even to me.

"For how long?"

"What?"

"How long does that last? Are you saying that just because he's adopted, he can't be sent to his room for the rest of his life?" And wait a minute. . . here it comes. . . "After all, he's been here two years."

Now that pushes my buttons. The arbitrary deadline when none of the trauma in his past is allowed to affect him anymore. The point where it is assumed that I should move on and treat him exactly like the kids I've parented since birth.

There was one more question -- I'll get to that later -- and then we changed the subject to something less inflammatory. I'm pretty sure there was no harm done. The brief tension of the moment didn't hurt my relationship with the person on the other end of the line.

But it made me think. In fact, afterwards, I couldn't get that conversation off my mind. Why?

I came to the conclusion that when it comes to parenting, I'm both prideful and insecure.

The prideful part didn't surprise me. Ongoing . . lifelong. . . struggle.

But insecure? Really? Wenxin is my fifth child. What do I have to be insecure about?

Adopting an older child is a lot like being a first time parent -- even if you aren't. I've read the books, and followed the blogs and talked with the social worker. But this is my first time parenting an adopted child -- an older child who came with baggage. Everything I'm doing is a grand experiment.

So when someone challenges me, especially when they press their point, I stand up tall, try to look brave, and explain myself. But really . . . I know. . . and I fear that they know (pride). . . that I don't really know what I'm doing.

The saving grace of that conversation came in the form of the last question. It helped me clarify why I didn't send Wenxin to his room that day. The person on the other end of the phone asked, "Well, do you send the other kids to their rooms?"

I thought about it and smiled. No. I don't send the others to their rooms when they're crying. It's just not my parenting style.

I send them to their rooms to sleep, to rest, to read, and to play. I've been known to put a cranky, overtired baby in his crib because I needed a break and he needed some sleep. I'm no martyr.

But when an older child is upset . . . or crying. . . or melting down, I never send them to their room and tell them they can't come out until they out until they can pull it together. Never. I place a high value on helping kids work through their emotions and getting to the heart of things. I usually keep them near me and help them work it out.

It was kind of nice to see that the way I'm parenting Wenxin is not so different from how I've always parented the others. He's just at a different place in the process.

I'm going to take a deep breath and try to lighten up a little. I think we're good here.

Have I mentioned that Mike and I are attending Empowered to Connect next month in Orlando? Empowered to Connect as in Dr. Karyn Purvis of The Connected Child. Super excited about this opportunity to add a few new parenting tools to our bag of tricks.

How about you? Do any of you adoptive mamas, or mamas of bio kids for that matter, feel insecure about how you are raising your kids? Any fans out there of sending kids to their rooms, or is that a favorite discipline technique from a time past? I'd love to hear what you think.

Shared at Growing Slower.

Mama, Am I Black?

Yesterday we were reading a book about the post Civil War years in the South. The book kept referring to the former slaves as Black Americans.

Suddenly, Wenxin interrupted. "Mama. . . am I black?"

Then without really waiting for me to answer, he answered himself. Closely observing his own arm he concluded, " Ummm. . . not really black. I think I'm dark tan."

We had a quick little conversation about the labels people attach to race. I shared that when people say black, they are usually referring to people whose ancestors came from Africa. I told him that when people look at him they probably call him Asian, because people born in China, Thailand, Japan, Korea and the Philippines -- all countries in Asia -- have similar skin and hair color.

When you love someone intensely -- the way a mother loves her children -- things like race and skin color seem to disappear.

But they don't really disappear, do they?

Blogaholics Anonymous & Calling Guest Bloggers

 I'm a blog addict, an information junkie. I read decorating blogs, home organization blogs, adoption blogs, political blogs -- anything that makes me learn or think or laugh or grow.

You may have noticed that I tend to like edgy posts -- things that force my thinking out of my comfort zone. If you've noticed that, you are correct.

I think it's especially important for us as parents to continue to learn and grow and have our thinking challenged. I'm convinced that listening to others, often  people I don't totally see eye to eye with, has made me a better person and a better parent.

So here are my selections from this week. Some are sweet. Some are a little confrontational. All are worth reading. Enjoy.

Joshua - Moving Forward - This post made me smile. . . and want to jump up and down . . . and cheer. Adopting a child with life-theatening special needs is like volunteering to have your heart broken. Jennifer Peterson shares a story of hope where there wasn't supposed to be any hope at all.

Social Justice and the Ban on U.S. Adoptions - One blogger's analysis on the recent ban on Russian adoptions from the U.S. Lots to think about here.

Hope after Russia's adoption ban: Adopting justice - How we can help Russian orphans in light of the ban.

Desperately Seeking Birthmother - Is she a birthmother, or just an expectant mother? Words matter.

Jackson, On Telling Children They Were Adopted - Short and sweet from the mouth of an adopted child. Sometimes kids have a way of getting to the heart of things.

Calling Guest Bloggers

This year I’d like to run a series of guest posts by adoptees called On Being Adopted. Would you help me spread the word to any adoptees who might be interested in submitting posts?

Through, this series, I want to help us see adoption from the perspective of the adoptee.

Here's all the info a potential guest blogger might need.

I’m looking for guest posts which:

·         Tell a personal story that illustrates some aspect of your experience as an adoptee. I know that your adoption experience is many-faceted and complex, but please choose one aspect to focus on in your post.

·         Are 500 – 900 words in length

·         End with the statement: One thing I’d like adoptive parents to know is . . .

·         Pieces previously published on your personal blog may be submitted as long as they are tweaked to fit the above guidelines.

As far as topics go, the list of possibilities are endless, but here are some questions that I, as an adoptive parent, would love to see addressed:

·         How did being adopted affect you at different stages of development? Especially, how did your experience of being adopted change as you entered your teen years?

·         What challenges has being adopted present for you in your adult years?

·         If you are in reunion, could you tell a story that illustrates some aspect of that experience?

·         If you were adopted internationally, have you visited your birth country? Could your share a story that illustrates some aspect of that experience?

I believe there will be great interest in this series. I hope I will receive a variety of submissions that taken together will help paint a picture of the adoptee experience, promoting understanding and perhaps, dispelling some myths.

Please send submissions to Dana@deathbygreatwall.com. You may simply type your submission in the body of the email or attach it as a Word document. 

Please edit for grammar, punctuation, and spelling. I will not be able to use submissions that require extensive editing. I do reserve the right to make minor grammar/punctuation/spelling edits. I will not, however, edit your content in any way.

Submitting a post, does not guarantee that it will be published at Death by Great Wall. I will, however, respond to all submissions within two weeks.

Shared at Faith Filled Friday.

Reading Together (with Free Printable Link)

Are we there yet?

The ten hour car ride from Alabama yesterday was made a little more bearable by using the time to finish our latest "read aloud" book, Caddie Woodlawn.

Read alouds are part of our family culture and one of my favorite parts of homeschooling. I read aloud to the kids every day during our morning snack. Many times, you can even find us reading ahead at night. And while we don't have a DVD system in our van, we always enjoy a good read aloud on long car trips.

Since I'm always looking for new book ideas for my kids, I thought I'd share with you what we've read so far in our homeschool this year.

Read Alouds

No Talking Clements

Matilda by Dahl

Mocassin Trail by McGraw

By the Great Horn Spoon  Fleischman

Across Five Aprils Hunt

Red Thread Sisters Peacock

Lincoln: A Photobiography Freedman

Jotham's Journey Ytreeide

Caddie Woodlawn Brink

Of course, reading doesn't stop with the books we read aloud as a group. Each one of my children spends time each day reading independently. Here's an example of what Nathan, my 7th grader, has read so far this school year.

Nathan's First Semester Independent Reading 

The World Wars Dowswell, Brocklehurst, Brook

Flight Path Buck, Davis

Ordeal in Cambodia Taing

From the Mixed-up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler  Konigsburg

Terrorism, Jihad, and the Bible  McArthur

The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde  Stevenson

Diary of a Wimpy Kid  Kinney

Bomb:The Race to Build - and Steal- the World's Most Dangerous Weapon Sheinkin

From Jerusalem to Irian Jaya: A Biographical History of Christian Missions  Tucker

Nathan's second semester reading list will include more classic literature, biography, and historical fiction, along with some fantasy and sci-fi added in for fun. He also reads a lot of non-fiction (mostly science) as he explores his interests.

Our Reading Logs

Each of my children keeps two reading logs: one for the books I've read aloud to them and one for their independent reading. They list the book title, author, and genre. Then, they give it a rating of one to five stars. That's the best part. I love to hear them defend their ratings.

You can grab the printable reading log we use here.
It's free, courtesy of iamhomeschooling.com.

Diving into 2013

Yesterday, my crazy extended family invited us to take the plunge into 2013 with a polar plunge into a freezing cold river on New Year's Day. First person totally under got a $20 prize. Mike, Nathan, and eight year old Katherine took the challenge.

I stood on the dock in the drizzling rain and snapped photos, wondering why anyone would want to run into a river in the middle of winter?

Katherine says she chose to plunge when she saw that most people in the family didn't want to do it. She wanted to take a challenge that others were afraid to take. "Most of the time, Julia and Wenxin do all the brave stuff in the family. It felt really good to be confident enough to try something they didn't want to try." Being the baby isn't easy, and Katherine chose to distinguish herself from the crowd by being the youngest person in the whole family to plunge into the icy water. She ran in with determined abandon and almost won the prize.

Nathan said he chose to plunge because he was afraid he might regret it if he didn't. Coming from  Nathan, this was huge.

Mike. . . well. . .I didn't even ask because if people were going to plunge, there was never the slightest chance that Mike wouldn't join them. That's just how he rolls.

Crazy, risk-takers. . . all of them! I love it.

May we all experience the thrill and satisfaction of stepping out of our comfort zones in 2013.